if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize