Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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