I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
