4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I puked a lego.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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