Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Randomize
