Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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