the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Found your dick twin last night
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize