i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
please come you make the beer taste better
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
smell my finger.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
