you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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