The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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