The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
