Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
