so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
