apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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