Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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