He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize