i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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