I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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