I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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