Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
