i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
