Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
