I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
