I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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