My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Blood and glitter go together right?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
