8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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