My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
