Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
