she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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