Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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