:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
