That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
