bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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