I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize