You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
