the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
