Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
