Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So squirting runs in the family.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
