he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
