I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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