i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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