Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Never underestimate the power of titties
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
