i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
