So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
