I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
