He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
