When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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