thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
