um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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