I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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