yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
