My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
