that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
