So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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