We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
