there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
