Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
