i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
