He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
