life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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