She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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