its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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