I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Even my vagina gasped.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
