Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
