If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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