I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
