You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
