shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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