I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
