I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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