If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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