Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
