I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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