so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
