would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
