Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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