I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize