literally had 100 drinks last night.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
