The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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