i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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