That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
