He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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